Do you ever feel like sometimes you took the long way to get somewhere? That was last year (or ten) for me! But, if you're lucky, you survive and learn a lot along the way. I definitely learned a lot about myself and what is important to me. I don't know if I would have the sense of direction I do now if I didn't go through those things.
For months, I thought I was going into business with a friend. I was desperate to find something I could pour myself into, and to build something for myself. To make a long story short, the situation turned out not to be what I thought it was going to be, and I had to step away to reevaluate what I wanted. At the time, I was crushed. But, it helped me realize something-I need to be my own boss. I need to be in charge of my own future, have the freedom to create and use my talents while moving things in the direction I want to go. The older I get, the harder it has become to take orders from others. I love to learn and finish tasks, but I need more. I need to feel fulfilled.
And so, I did the least responsible thing in June-I quit my job I had at the time and went on vacation! (To justify my actions, it was a road trip with my life-long friend to my other best's friend's wedding-I couldn't miss that!) I was able to camp in the beautiful Rockies, spend time with the people that have known me the longest and best, and revitalize my spirit. With many hours on the road, Cassie and I got to share our future dreams and brainstorm new ideas while cruising through breathtaking landscapes.
When I got home, I felt like I hit the ground running. I made things and vended at markets throughout the summer. I spent hours and hours arranging and transcribing music. I played a lot of shows and weddings with my bands. I got so organized with one band, that I was even making spreadsheets of our tunes, songs left to learn, our earnings for the year, etc. For someone that has had the life-long reputation of being a messy artist, this was an accomplishment for me. I wondered,"If I can do this for my band, why don't I do it for myself?"
The summer had been driven by music, friends, and fun! But, the changing of seasons came with a lot of other changes as well. My band mates got busy with their careers, and the other bands I participated in wanted to switch gears to songwriting and recording, so the gigs quickly dissipated. Sometimes it's hard being a musician. If you are not gigging regularly, recording, touring, and/or teaching, you generally have to have some other way to support yourself. So, at the end of the summer, I was feeling lost again.
I was feeling lost until I realized that I needed to look within. The past 10+ years, I have been running, doing so many things, and trying to juggle them all. I went to school and got my degree for Music Education, but wasn't sure I wanted to teach. I've worked at coffee shops, a flower shop, a food truck. I have, and continue to waitress. I have a hobby business that I always wanted to be more. I've painted, sewn, knit and crocheted, and made jewelry. I've done custom work. I've written songs and have been in numerous bands. That takes a lot of energy. Imagine if all that energy, instead of dispersed into numerous things, was channeled into one idea. I thought of why I am on this planet. I thought of my "why don't I get my own life this organized?" moment. I thought of the things I could accomplish with focus and self-discipline. I thought of my need to be my own boss. I thought of not wanting to waste my gifts, but instead, sharing them with the world and hopefully inspiring people. I thought of all the possibilities, and finally, I was filled with hope again.
Whenever I hit a block in my mind, I try to look at it from a different angle. When I realized I wanted to focus on my own business, it was hard not to say to myself, "Yeah, you've been saying that for years!" But, had I not gone through all of these things over the last decade, I wouldn't be where I am today. I have all of those experiences under my belt. I have acquired many skills that will be of use to me. I have developed into the person I am today. While going through all these memories, I thought of a J.R.R. Tolkien quote. "Not all those who wander are lost."
Today, I have shared some of the road where I have been. Now, I look forward to sharing where I am going and putting my skills to use! I am so fired up about the future that some nights I can hardly sleep! A light has been lit, so I will follow that light. I will do what feels right and good. I will move forward, up, and out! Let the journey continue!
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