Embracing the Chaos

In our world today, it is easy for our senses and minds to be smothered by the constant noise of the media, music, facebook, etc.  Then there are the pressures of making a living, paying bills, putting food on the table, cleaning the house, doing laundry, and attempting to get enough sleep to function the next day.  Even things like goals, involvement in activities, spending enough time with loved ones, and other things can become a bit much to handle.  Where is the balance?  What should I be doing right now?   So much to do, so little time!  The to-do list keeps growing, yet there are only so many hours in a day.

I have reached a strange point in my life.  I don’t dread turning 30 like a lot of people.  But, for some reason when I turned 28 a few months ago, I started freaking out a little bit.  I thought, “I only have two years to do something with my life!”  Why I put that kind of pressure on myself, I am still not sure.  I am an artist, nothing is cut and dry, there are no rules!  But, my birthday, along with my grandpa passing away the end of May, made me take a good look at my life and what I want for it.

"Would you just look at it? I mean, just look at it!"

 

 

I am grateful for all the people and things in my life, but I still couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.  Sometimes I worried that all the things that I am involved in were just ‘busy work’ distracting me from what I should actually be doing.  Why am I stressed if my life is filled with so many things that I love?

As the summer has progressed, I have taken breaks from things that I enjoy, I have gotten out of town almost every chance that has presented itself to me, and I have tried to escape the madness.  As I have been integrating these things back into my life, I have realized that I don’t want to be without them.  I want to focus on my sewing business and really making that my main source of work, but I also need to keep involved in my other activities because they fill a part of me that my sewing business cannot.

This summer has been a time of reflection and realization for me.  I am accepting the bad things about myself, along with the good, and making the most of it.  I am often late for things, sometimes I let my emotions get in the way, and I am kind of a hoarder of anything I think I can use in a future project (just to name a few!).  But, I am passionate about creating, I love my family and friends, and I strive to circulate nothing but good back into the world (just to name a few!). Once we are honest and accept the truth, it is then that we can move forward.

I am also simplifying and weeding out the unnecessary things.  I have been doing a lot of cleaning and taking many trips to the thrift store to get rid of things.  I am working on getting more organized.  I am trying to spend more time with people that make me feel good and less time with people who don’t.  I am enjoying the silence on the rare occasions that happens.  I am slowly ridding my life of the clutter and get down to the bones of what will make me happy. 

So, my life is crazy…but at least it is filled with things that I love.  It is that madness that makes me who I am, and I feed off of that.  There are things I will not be able to change, but at least I can make changes within myself.  Instead of escaping, I am now embracing the chaos!