I Once Was Wandering, and Now I'm Found

Do you ever feel like sometimes you took the long way to get somewhere? That was last year (or ten) for me! But, if you're lucky, you survive and learn a lot along the way. I definitely learned a lot about myself and what is important to me. I don't know if I would have the sense of direction I do now if I didn't go through those things.

For months, I thought I was going into business with a friend. I was desperate to find something I could pour myself into, and to build something for myself. To make a long story short, the situation turned out not to be what I thought it was going to be, and I had to step away to reevaluate what I wanted. At the time, I was crushed. But, it helped me realize something-I need to be my own boss. I need to be in charge of my own future, have the freedom to create and use my talents while moving things in the direction I want to go. The older I get, the harder it has become to take orders from others. I love to learn and finish tasks, but I need more. I need to feel fulfilled.

And so, I did the least responsible thing in June-I quit my job I had at the time and went on vacation! (To justify my actions, it was a road trip with my life-long friend to my other best's friend's wedding-I couldn't miss that!) I was able to camp in the beautiful Rockies, spend time with the people that have known me the longest and best, and revitalize my spirit. With many hours on the road, Cassie and I got to share our future dreams and brainstorm new ideas while cruising through breathtaking landscapes.

When I got home, I felt like I hit the ground running. I made things and vended at markets throughout the summer. I spent hours and hours arranging and transcribing music. I played a lot of shows and weddings with my bands. I got so organized with one band, that I was even making spreadsheets of our tunes, songs left to learn, our earnings for the year, etc. For someone that has had the life-long reputation of being a messy artist, this was an accomplishment for me. I wondered,"If I can do this for my band, why don't I do it for myself?"

The summer had been driven by music, friends, and fun! But, the changing of seasons came with a lot of other changes as well. My band mates got busy with their careers, and the other bands I participated in wanted to switch gears to songwriting and recording, so the gigs quickly dissipated. Sometimes it's hard being a musician. If you are not gigging regularly, recording, touring, and/or teaching, you generally have to have some other way to support yourself. So, at the end of the summer, I was feeling lost again.

I was feeling lost until I realized that I needed to look within. The past 10+ years, I have been running, doing so many things, and trying to juggle them all. I went to school and got my degree for Music Education, but wasn't sure I wanted to teach. I've worked at coffee shops, a flower shop, a food truck. I have, and continue to waitress. I have a hobby business that I always wanted to be more. I've painted, sewn, knit and crocheted, and made jewelry. I've done custom work. I've written songs and have been in numerous bands. That takes a lot of energy. Imagine if all that energy, instead of dispersed into numerous things, was channeled into one idea. I thought of why I am on this planet. I thought of my "why don't I get my own life this organized?" moment. I thought of the things I could accomplish with focus and self-discipline. I thought of my need to be my own boss. I thought of not wanting to waste my gifts, but instead, sharing them with the world and hopefully inspiring people. I thought of all the possibilities, and finally, I was filled with hope again.

Whenever I hit a block in my mind, I try to look at it from a different angle. When I realized I wanted to focus on my own business, it was hard not to say to myself, "Yeah, you've been saying that for years!" But, had I not gone through all of these things over the last decade, I wouldn't be where I am today. I have all of those experiences under my belt. I have acquired many skills that will be of use to me. I have developed into the person I am today. While going through all these memories, I thought of a J.R.R. Tolkien quote. "Not all those who wander are lost."

Today, I have shared some of the road where I have been. Now, I look forward to sharing where I am going and putting my skills to use! I am so fired up about the future that some nights I can hardly sleep! A light has been lit, so I will follow that light. I will do what feels right and good. I will move forward, up, and out! Let the journey continue!

Fixing A Hole, A Car, An Attitude

Happy New Year! If you are reading this, you have made it to 2016-congratulations! I had a bit of a bumpy ride into this month, but I am more grateful and excited for what is to come now more than ever! Before I carry on telling you about my upcoming plans and goals, I'm going to catch you up on my holiday madness and how that has brought me to today.

The holidays always end up being a little stressful for me, as it does for many. Not only do I try to make a lot of my gifts, but it is also a great time to vend at craft fairs and make handmade items for others to give as gifts. After many years of knowing this is how it goes, I actually started working on my own gifts in November (I'm learning!). I vended at some markets in December and did really well. The evening before Christmas Eve, my man and I had dinner and opened presents with my immediate family. They all loved their gifts, and we had fun playing games after. But, it wasn't until we hit the road to northeastern North Dakota to visit family that it felt like we were on Christmas vacation. When growing up, we always drove on Christmas Eve to go visit family. This is a tradition I love.

Like any great road trip, we had the tunes rolling! The Beatles had just become available on Spotify, so Nolyn chose the Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album. He told me about it being the first Beatles album he had heard many years ago and how it transformed the way he thought of music. They did things that had never done before and went outside the box. Of course, I had heard many of the hits from that particular album, but I really enjoyed hearing the less known tunes.

All was well in my car until we were about ten miles north of Rugby, ND. Out of nowhere, all the dashboard lights started to flash and my car was running really rough, pulsating and making horrible noises. We pulled over at the nearest turn-off and shut off the car. Something definitely wasn't right. The sun had gone down, and the temperature outside was dropping, and we were stranded. I remained calm on the outside, while I did my best to quiet the panicking voice inside. I stopped myself from the downward spiral of 'what ifs' by focusing on a quote from Nahko Bear song, "I believe in the good things coming." I knew we would get things figured out and everything would be okay.

To my surprise, three people stopped by in the short time we took to formulate a plan. The first man that offered help, who lived a quarter mile down the road from where we stopped, came back a second time to check on us. Not even wearing a coat, he took a look under the hood with us. He had a couple ideas what it could be, one of which was that one of the engine cylinders wasn't firing properly. We also checked the oil, which was low. In hopes that it would be an easy fix, he drove us back into town to pick up some oil. Stories were exchanged, and we learned about this kind stranger that took time away from his family to help us on Christmas Eve night. We got back to my car, put more oil in, but it sounded just as bad as before. So, Matt, our new friend, let us limp my car onto his land, so at least it would be off the highway and somewhat protected until we could figure out a towing situation. He invited us into his home to stay warm while we waited for a ride. (Luckily, just that day, Nolyn's sister and family decided to make the trip to Belcourt too, and were just an hour or so behind us.) We had a drink to warm up and continued to visit. As a token of gratitude, I gave him a framed art print that was intended for Nolyn's mom, but I felt the need to share something with him since he was more than generous with his time and opening his home to us. That piece opened up a whole new door, and he excitedly showed us some photography that his fiancée had taken. I was very impressed with her composition skills, and really capturing the feel and experiences of rural North Dakota. While going through her wonderful photo collection, our ride arrived to pick us up. It's funny, I had almost forgotten why we were there in the first place and that we needed to leave! Nolyn and I gathered our things, said our goodbyes, and were back en route to our original destination.

The rest of the drive, I was filled with with contentment. We were safe. We were warm. We were with family. We had a reaffirmed belief that there are still good people in the world. We had everything that we needed, and more! Those are the best gifts I could ever ask for!

We had a wonderful couple of days with Nolyn's mom. We enjoyed food, laughs, and time to relax. The frost on the trees was breath-taking. Time seemed to slow down. I was able to dive more into a book a new friend lent to me, A New Earth: Awakening Yur Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. He dissects the ego and the way we think, being conscious, and living in the present moment. I am only about a third through the book, and it has already transformed the way I look at things! I can't wait to read and learn more!

We were able to catch a ride back to Bismarck with Nolyn's brother-in-law's mother, who happened to be going that way the day we needed to get home. And for my car, my cousin's husband has a flatbed trailer, so he took time out of his day to drive all the way up to my car, load it up, and bring it back home to the dealership where I bought it. It sure is nice knowing people that are willing to help! Seriously, so grateful!

Singing my heart out! Photo credit: Lea Black

Once we got home, it was onto the next round of madness-NYE preparation. Much like Halloween and last New Year's Eve, four local bands got together for a big show, each playing a set, and then a collaborative set at the end. In only two rehearsals, we were able to put together eight new tunes, and brush up on a few past crowd-pleasers. I performed with three of the four bands, so it was a lot of music. I can't lie, it was a little stressful preparing for this big bash, but once you're on the stage and have those shining moments where you feel like you are exactly where you should be at that moment in time, it makes it all worth it. We had a great crowd, the energy was off the charts, and everyone involved really gave it their all. It's such a joy and privilege to play music with these people, and to call them friends! 

Forces combined!    Photo credit: Lea Black

New Year's Day was a great day! All responsibilities seemed to be complete, and there was time to breathe again. There was time to unwind while dreaming of what the new year will bring. I couldn't have been happier to have an entire day set aside to chill at home. I was so excited to be at home with no plans that I was even happy to do laundry! As I was loading the dryer, I asked Nolyn what was the last Beatles song we heard before we broke down. Neither of us could remember exactly, but he thought "Fixing A Hole". So, I pulled up the Sergeant Pepper album, found that song, and continued listening where we had left off before the holiday madness begin. It was an adventure, filled with a lot of help from many great people. And we survived, I am forever grateful!

"I'm taking the time for a number of things
That weren't important yesterday"

                     ~"Fixing A Hole"-The Beatles

Even Baby Steps Are Steps

This morning was an exciting morning for me! It was a new start! It was a step in the right direction! It was...a trip to the printers!

Backing up, I took a few of my favorite original art pieces to a local photo shop, Bob's Photo, to get some high-resolution images of my work. I wanted the best quality image I could find, so I went to the experts. They were friendly and helpful.

Next, I took these images to some different print shops in town. Some of the proofs I got back were not what I had in mind as prints to sell in the future. I had a good feeling about United Printing though. They had a plethora of paper options, gave me price quotes, and emailed mock ups before sending them off to print. I appreciated their communication and desire to fulfill my needs. Well, after patiently waiting for the few-day turn around, I got my prints AND postcards back! There is one piece I may adjust the colors a bit, but overall, I am very pleased with the results! I will keep you posted when these are available online, or PM me if interested now. I look forward to making my artwork more accessible to people! This may just be a baby step right now, but it feels great to be moving in the right direction!

The Birth Of A Supergroup

I've been thinking a lot about music lately, probably because I've recently been practicing and playing a lot of music in preparation for our big Halloween Freak Show this Saturday. Reminiscent of our New Year's show, bringing in 2015 with music and friends, four bands will each play a set, and then all combine at the end as a supergroup for a big Halloween finale!

GR's first public appearance at Roger's Mind Explosion Dec.'13

The beginning of my musical collaborative performances started with the first Roger Nordquist Mind Explosion in December 2013. This was the first time Golden Ratio played as a band! We also participated in some tunes with newly-forming band, Boreal Gardens, Roger, and a couple other musicians. It was great to combine forces and work together!

Poster drawn by yours truly

A few months later, my 30th birthday rolled around in April. I asked myself,"What would be the best gift I could receive on such a monumental birthday?" All I could think is,"Play music with my friends!" So, I planned a show with The Prairie Meddlers, Boreal Gardens, and Golden Ratio, with special guest, the Rog, at our favorite watering hole, Laughing Sun Brewing Co. We played a few combined tunes at the end with all band members. There is something so magical about such a large group of friends, spanning multiple bands, playing music together. Coordinating rehearsals with that many people can be challenging, but the energy and amount of fun had is outrageous!

Golden Ratio continued to play shows with Boreal Gardens. We nicknamed them our "brother band" since both them and Golden Ratio formed around the same time, and we played so many gigs together, we began to feel like family. Our two bands, along with Kids With Beards, were asked to join Anonymous Phenomenon for a full night of music last New Years. I have to say, bringing in the New Year playing in this supergroup with some of the best musicians and friends in town was a true highlight of my musical career so far. Performing is already such a high, then to have that intensified with 15+ other musicians on stage, and a huge crowd enjoying what you're doing...This may be one of the best feelings in the world!

Playing tunes together into 2015!

We haven't had a huge show like this since New Years, so this coming Halloween show seems long overdue. Nolyn Falcon from Anonymous Phenomenon has done a great job coordinating meetings to choose combined tunes, planning rehearsals, lining up sound for the show, and driving the whole project forward. We all have learned a lot from the past experiences. With so many people involved, it is important that everyone knows their parts and where they fit into the equation, so when it comes down to the one or two rehearsals we have with a majority of the crew, it is smooth sailing.

I will be playing with three of the four bands this Saturday-Chameleon Moonflower, Golden Ratio, and trumpet with Anonymous Phenomenon. Boreal Gardens is also on the line-up, and a supergroup set with musicians from all four bands as a finale. If you are in the Bismarck area this Saturday, I highly suggest you come to the Ramada! Music starts at 8pm, all ages, and a costume contest too! Come experience this super phenomenon for yourself!

An Ode To My Meddlers

"The Prairie Meddlers" has had a great impact on me, as a musician and as a person. I look at this group as my 'gateway band' to all the music I am doing now. Allow me to elaborate...

After going to college for music, I was burnt out. I still listened to music, but I took a break from playing. I felt I had lost my voice and didn't know what direction to go with what I had learned. I wanted to do something completely different from what I had been doing, but to still have an essence of me. I continued to support local music. But, after hearing my friends, Mike Swenson and Brian Gray, play one night, something was lit within me. I felt the need to play music. I talked to them after they were done playing, and told them that I'd love to play or sing with them. Being the open individuals that they are, they were all about it!

Backing up a bit, I had met Brian Gray around 2001 at the open mic nights held at the Green Earth Cafe (which, unfortunately, is no longer around). Gray was an active musician, as well as an encouraging voice to me to share my music, no matter what it sounded like. (And, fun little fact: I took a semester or two of piano lessons from his mother in college!) I met Mike a few years later through mutual friends and the music scene. Since both Mike and Brian played guitar, I decided to dust off my accordion that I had acquired a few years before. We knew upright bass would be perfect for our acoustic situation, so Mike got a hold of Brian McGinness, a local farmer who we had seen at more recent open mics nights. All of a sudden, we had a band!

 We began practicing together, each bringing tunes to the table. It was very laid back and relaxed, the opposite of what I was used to! But, as it turned out, that is exactly what I needed at the time. There was no real leader of the band, we each were an equal part. We each sang lead on tunes, and added harmonies on others. We all listened and added suggestions to improve the songs. And it worked for us. One of my favorite things about us was our ability to harmonize. My favorite tunes were when we'd have 4-part harmonies rolling over our grassroots, old country, or rock tunes. We each have very different vocal qualities, so there was something magical about being able to blend well and make it sound effortless, like we belonged together.

We eventually gained enough material to start gigging, and played numerous shows. We played outdoor shows at the bandshell, local market, Urban Harvest, and dinner parties at Riverbound Farm. We played at our local brewery, restaurants, bars, private parties, and travelled to Minot to Souris River Brewery. We did a mini recording session at a studio. We were even on TV!

I learned so much! I learned about booking gigs. I learned about sound equipment and how to use it. I learned how to be comfortable performing on stage. At some point, my anxiety of performing turned into excitement-that is a great feeling! I learned that when you have that comfortable foundation, it is easier to go outside the box. With my band mates always being encouraging without being too pushy, I took the occasional risk with an improv solo or variation of something I had done before. Sometimes it was great, sometimes it wasn't the best, but it was always a learning experience, living in the moment. I knew anything I contributed was appreciated. I learned to roll with the punches when an extra couple measures, an extended solo section, or chorus was thrown in. I learned how to listen and how to react to the unforeseen changes or additions. I learned how to take a song I had heard or written and apply it to a band. All of these things are things you could learn from a book, school, or a YouTube video, but actually applying them to a real-life situation is the true learning experience. And, for that, I am eternally grateful.

We had been playing for about a year and a half when our bass player, McG (as we called him), and family went to Costa Rica for three months last winter. We took a break as a band during and after that time, getting caught up with other life things and musical endeavors. Mike and Brian Gray continued on with their pre-Meddlers band, The SwenTones, I had switched focus to my band, Golden Ratio, and McG had a busy last season at his farm, Riverbound Farm, and spending time with his amazing and beautiful family. There was a slight lack of resolution with us being done as a band, but it seemed like a natural progression given the circumstances.

During our dispersed time, McG and his family decided to wrap things up here and will be moving to Hawaii for a new adventure farming and living in the tropical land across the ocean. As a band, we decided that we needed one last hurrah before he left. We got out the old music, had a rehearsal or two, and had one final show at Laughing Sun Brewing Co., a huge supporter of local music, and a stage we came to know well as a band. There were so many beautiful faces in the crowd, the beer was flowing, and the good times were rolling! It was great to play together one last time.

We had our last gig as "The Prairie Meddlers" last Thursday. It was bittersweet, but I know we will all continue to do great things. I don't think I can properly express my gratitude for this band with words. All I know is that I wouldn't be the musician I am today if it hadn't been for all the experiences I had playing with these guys. They helped make music fun again. They helped me find my voice. We gained experience doing what we love, and that, everyone, is priceless!

Let's Get To the Point, It's Mighty Fine!

I have always loved to draw.  As most children, I'm sure I started out with crayons and markers.  Then, when I was old enough to not poke my own eye out, moved up to pencils.  Eventually, pens.  I do enjoy painting as well, there is something about the precision of a fine point pen that is so pleasing to me.

Before I continue, I'd like to share some of my earliest memories of my love for Sharpies.  In third grade, my teacher, Ms. Olson, was very good at integrating art into the curriculum.  My favorite projects were when she would teach us about artists, telling us stories of their lives (she didn't even hold back telling us that Vincent Van Gogh cut off his own ear!).  Then, we would 'replicate' a famous work of the artist we were learning about that week.

"Sunflowers" by Vincent Van Gogh & me 9.15.92

 

"The Starry Night" by Vincent Van Gogh & myself circa 1992

The combination of story time, seeing what was produced by the artist based on their experiences, and walking in their footsteps through art had a huge impact on me!  Sure, it was watercolors and a Fine Point Sharpie in my eight year old hands at the time, but I knew art was something I truly loved.

"Red Poppy" by Georgia O'Keeffe & myself 4.5.93

  I would meticulously work on my art, trying to get as much detail as I possibly could.  My amazing teacher could see that I really cared about my projects, so she would let me spend extra time on my art when we had free time or play time during class.  I am forever grateful that she allowed me that time and nurtured my gift.

"American Gothic" by Grant Wood & myself 1.21.93

 

 

 

 

I think of the twists and turns where art has taken me.  It's funny how my current style is somewhat reminiscent of what I enjoyed so much long ago.  I now work mostly with acrylic paints, but I still love the pop that is created by the bold black lines.  I like how once the permanent ink is down, there is no going back.  You either don't mess up, or you make that mistake part of the plan.  You create your own coloring book on the fly.  It is glorious!

"North and South" original, acrylic and ink on canvas

 

"Body Form" original, acrylic and ink on panel

 

"Roamer" original, acrylic and ink on canvas

I've enjoyed time with the standard Fine Point Sharpie, and I probably always will.  Though, the markers did not always like the textured surface with paint, we made it work.  I've also liked using the Ultra Fine point for more detailed work.  My most recent obsession isn't actually in the Sharpie family, but feels like a close relative.  It is the Pitt Artist Pen with an extra small point of .1mm!  I didn't know such a pen existed until I went on a hunt for the finest ink point I could find.  I have to say, I'm pretty happy with it!  It produces a solid line, but also leaves room for precision that I haven't had since my pencil days!  

The first project I did with my .1mm pen was a gift for my mom for her birthday.  She has been a great support in my life, so it only seemed fitting to create something for her.  I followed a flower theme since she has a green thumb, always surrounded with beautiful blossoms and plants. 

I have more ink pieces in the works that I will share in the weeks to come as they progress.  Thank you to Ms. Olson, for seeing something in me.  Thank you to my family, friends, and followers for the endless support and encouragement!  It means the world to me!  Thank you!

  

"Less Is More" Sparks Joy

After a summer full of adventures, gigs with several different bands, sewing, and printing some new items to sell at a local market, I was ready to take a breath. I could write many blogs about all of those great experiences. But, I'm just going to start where I currently am, and maybe those stories will reveal themselves as I carry on with this blog.  

I wrote a post a couple years ago about embracing the chaos. Yes, there are some things I cannot give up. I have a lot of passions, yet I am unwilling to pick just one. In that way, I may always be a balancing act. But, what if I had less to juggle? What if less is more?  More space to work, more space in my mind to think, and less clutter to distract me.

I applied this to my vending booth over the summer. Rather than having a bunch of random things I had made, I focused on a few designs, and made multiples of those in different colors.  I was still able to go back and add special, personalized touches to the items, but I noticed that I was improving and getting faster at the overall process.  I also felt a fell into a flow, a rhythm, while working on these items.  It felt good!

And so, I began to think about harassing my energy.  Rather than let it chaotically go everywhere, I directed it to less, and ended up with what felt like a more cohesive collection.  I had a new mission: to simplify my life. "Less is more!" is hard to hear when you are a borderline hoarder, but I knew where I needed to start...I needed to get rid of things from my work space!

 

One trouble I have is seeing possibility in everything.  I know this sounds like a positive thing, but when you have so much stuff, it's hard to maintain it all.  I had a big box full of brown paper bags that I was planning to make into handmade journals, a guitar with a giant hole in the body that I was going to turn into an art piece, tubs of unfinished sewing projects, school books from college, more yarn than I would probably use in my lifetime...just to name a few things I was going to use someday.  Then, there were the sentimental items like photos, other memorabilia, and fabric from my grandmothers.  And, there were the supplies I've been using pretty regularly, but weren't organized very well.  I was overwhelmed and didn't know where to start! 

Luckily, I stumbled across an interview with Marie Kondo on YouTube. She is the author of the book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.    She had a couple points that I really liked.  One thing she does when organizing is puts everything from the room together.  It's a way to see everything that you have, then organize by category.  She also asks, "Does this spark joy?"  She encourages you to hold each item and think about how it makes you feel.  It sounds a little crazy, but it really helped me.  If it didn't make me feel excited or energized in some way, why was I keeping it in my life?

Yarn contained to a few old suitcases

I went through all of my supplies, projects, books, boxes, piles, papers-everything in the two rooms where I work.  Though it took me a couple weeks, I got through it all!  What I kept, I organized.  I made a deal with myself that it had to fit in a designated area (box, tote, spot on shelf,  etc.).  If it didn't fit in said area, I had to get rid of it.  That really helped me whittle down what I wanted to keep/what was most important to me.  What I got rid of, I passed on to friends with similar interests, took to the thrift store, recycled, or threw away if I absolutely had to.  Though I still have a lot, I cut down to about half to a third of what I used to have in that space.  And everything I kept now has a place.  It is so refreshing!  Rather than feeling overwhelmed just by walking in the room, it feels clear and open.  I have room to think, create, breath.  

Yes, that's a flip phone

I even found some treats including money and gift certificates!  My favorite treasure I came across was my old cellphone from seven years ago. To my surprise, it still turned on! I found pictures of my boyfriend and I when we were first in love, old messages from friends, and memories from my 3-week road trip it took with my best friends that summer.  In the pile of random items from the room, I also found past newspaper and local magazine articles about myself, friends, or positive improvements that were being made in my town, song lists from concerts I played in, and long lost photos that made me laugh.  Cleaning ended up being a fun trip down memory lane!

I will leave you now with some before and after photos of my creative space!  If you need to massively clean and simplify your life, getting rid of physical items is a great place to start.  And, remember to ask yourself, "Does this spark joy?"

Before: Yarn madness  After: My office

Before: Items from the room  After: Everything has a place!

Before: Too much stuff! After: The clutter is gone!

Before: a place for items I didn't want to deal with  After: My library

Notions now organized and labeled!

Room to work in this open space!